


A Little Drabble Do Ya

by ArcticLucie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Ficlets and drabbles, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Love, M/M, Randomness, mShenko
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-13 03:38:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4506279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcticLucie/pseuds/ArcticLucie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of random MShenko drabbles and ficlets.</p><p>9) Shepard's belly+Kaidan's grays=morning tickle fight, postME3<br/>10) Shepard and Kaidan take a winter stroll, postME3<br/>New:<br/>11) Kaidan has a run-in with a Hanar, humor for Kaidan appreciation week<br/>12) Shepard can't sleep, Northern Lights<br/>13) “I need to find a hole to put this in.”<br/>14) Snow+Whiskey+Shepard in the brig, PreME3<br/>15) Space pirates, AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What's In A Name?

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random collection of things.
> 
> First one was written for [Cereith](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cereith/pseuds/Cereith). John and Kaidan get a puppy and argue over what to name it.

"How about Alfred?"

"Veto."

"Fred for short? Or Alf? Alfie?"

"Vetoed."

"Rex?"

"We already have a Wrex, veto."

"Stan?"

"Seriously?" Kaidan huffed, shaking his head as he took the tiny package from Shepard's gentle arms and settled him in his own. "He looks more like a Teddy."

"Ted? Really? Veto."

"No, Teddy, like teddy bear because you're just so cute and cuddl-wee, aren't you? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!" Kaidan cooed at the adorable little tan bundle he was now snuggling against his chest. 

"He's a puppy, Kaidan, not a bear," Shepard pointed out.

"Fine, vetoed...Spot?"

"Ugh, veto."

"Maple," he shrugged, a hand stroking over the velvety fur on the puppy's ears. Shepard side-eyed him and he felt compelled to explain. "He's the color of maple syrup, smooth and sweet as can be, aren't you? Yes, you are!"

"You're sooo Canadian, eh?" Shepard teased, a slight eye roll to his smirk. "Mattock?"

"We are not naming our first four-legged child together after your assault rifle," Kaidan groaned, "Why is this so hard?" 

"It's good practice for when we have actual babies," Shepard casually mentioned. Kaidan couldn't argue with that. "Let's take him outside to potty and we'll try out some names and see what he responds to."

"Sounds good," agreed Kaidan at a loss for anything else. They took the yet-to-be-named puppy outside, Kaidan getting a good whiff of puppy breath when the canine licked his cheek.

"Guess I'm going to have to get used to fighting for your affections, Major," Shepard said with a petulant pouted. 

"Jealousy does not become you," he hummed in reply. "And for the record...I'd still rather make out with you."

"Are you saying I kiss better than a dog?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Kaidan quipped, making sure to give Shepard a warm kiss on his way out the door, puppy in hand.

They soon found themselves sitting in the grass under a towering shade tree watching the little pup chase after a grasshopper. After trying out what felt like a hundred unsuccessful names, Kaidan was close to giving up and calling the thing 'Puppy.'

"Can you imagine having a puppy on the Normandy?" Shepard asked, but as soon as their old ship's name rolled off his tongue, their attention was diverted to the puppy who had come running up to Shepard with an enthusiastic bark, his tail wagging happily.

"Normandy?" Kaidan repeated, and the little ball of fluff jumped over Shepard's leg and onto his lap. He looked to his husband who was looking down at the puppy with a grin stretching from ear to ear. Kaidan couldn't help but mirror it.

"Well, I think that settles it," Shepard chuckled, giving the puppy a good scratch behind his ear. 

"I think it does," he agreed, his grin transforming into a gentle smile. "And it only took us three days."


	2. Let's Get Naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan takes an art class, Shepard is the hot as fuck nude model. NSFW

Why Kaidan decided to take that particular class was lost on him. He'd dabbled in drawing in high school and thought taking an art class in college would've been an easy elective. That was all well and good in the beginning, but today they were set to draw their first nude model.

That in and of itself wouldn't've been so bad if it hadn't been for the fact that ten minutes prior, he had spilt his coffee on the stunning hunk of man who was now lounging upon a chaise in the center of the room. Naked. 

***

Kaidan had been power walking across the quad when Ashley called his name from a random bench by the library. He turned his head for a split second and slammed right into what might as well have been a solid wall of muscle. Kaidan wasn't into sports but he'd know the star quarterback anywhere.

A football stadium wasn't the only place John Shepard had a starring role. He was popular in many of Kaidan's cold shower fantasy sessions as well.

"Shit, I'm...god, I'm so fucking sorry," he apologized, but other than that, there wasn't much to be done. He was running late for his class and it wasn't like he carried a spare shirt or napkins in his backpack. 

"It's not a problem, I hated this shirt anyway," Shepard smiled, and Kaidan swore his voice was a Siren song leading him to his doom. Or maybe it was just that he wanted to die of embarrassment. "I don't really need it where I'm going," he chuckled, pulling off the soiled Cerberus t-shirt.

Kaidan tried not to stare. 

He tried really fucking hard, but there was no keeping his eyes from searing the perfect outline of the jock's pecks onto his memory for the cold shower he'd be taking as soon as he got back to his dorm. And he most certainly did not lick his lips when his eyes began to creep lower down the tanned, toned torso—

"Ahem."

"I-I gotta go," Kaidan stuttered as he spun on his heel and took off at light speed. He ended up taking the long way around campus because the thought of running into Shepard or anyone else who had seen him make a fool of himself was just too daunting of a thought.

He made it to his class and took the only empty seat left, which happened to be front row, center. Great, now he had to sit in front of some naked guy for an hour and hope he didn't accidental draw the delicious dips and titillating curves of Shepard's body instead. 

The instructor walked in as he was setting up his sketch pad on the easel just off to the side of him. He was arranging his pencils when Jack asked to borrow his sharpener. That was why when Dr. Chakwas introduced Shepard, he failed to notice.

It wasn't until he looked up and choked on his own drool that he realized who would be the model for the hour long class. Jack was kind enough to slap him on the back a few times but could do nothing about his burning cheeks that were no doubt a shade of red never before seen on a human.

Then Shepard had to go and smirk at him, and he was sure he was going to die at that because his heart seized up before sputtering back to life to a rhythm that couldn't've been _Shepard, Shepard, Shepard,_ because that would've been completely ridiculous.

***

Kaidan told himself that he was going to be a professional about the whole experience, so he picked up his pencil and started to sketch the Adonis before him. And he would make it the best drawing he'd ever done because he was sure he'd never get the chance to draw a more perfect embodiment of the divine. 

He had already made plans in his head to laminate the thing. He'd have to with all the jacking off he knew he'd be doing to the image because he was a pervy bastard and it was John _Fucking_ Shepard.

One thing was certain, it _was_ the best drawing he'd ever done. How he managed to capture the exact curve of his biceps to the exquisite angle of the V of his hips must've been a miracle. But he had trouble below the metaphorical belt.

Some of that was because he couldn't help but pitch a tent in his already too-tight jeans at the sight before him, the damn zipper chaffing him something awful even through his boxers.

The rest was because Shepard's thick, most perfectly shaped uncut dick had started to engorge and lengthen when he made eye contact with the one-eyed monster, foreskin retracting to show off the pink bulbous head. 

And Kaidan got lost in thoughts of wrapping his lips around the sensitive tip, tonguing the slit and lapping up the pearlescent beads he wanted to wring from the shaft with the fingers that inadvertently snapped his pencil in half.

"Shit!" he cursed under his breath as he reached for another. He chanced a glance at Shepard's face, and the model winked at him, all salacious and wanton. Or maybe that was just in Kaidan's head.

"That stiffy has your name written _all_ over it," Jack whispered in his ear.

"No it doesn't. It's just warm in here," he shrugged her off.

After another fifteen very short yet very long minutes of getting the shading of Shepard's happy trail and the rest of him just right, class was dismissed and Shepard started getting dressed, which consisted of him pulling on a pair of track pants...and that was it.

How him and Shepard got from the classroom to his dorm room after that would remain one of the great mysteries of his life. But as Shepard stood before him buck naked once more—wearing nothing but a come-and-get-me grin—after Kaidan accidentally spilled his second cup of coffee on the poor man's last remaining item of clothing, he couldn't say he gave a damn about that.


	3. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gah, this little thing will probably get to me for years to come when I reread it. It's Kaidan's 2nd person POV and was written for this [pic,](http://www.thefashionisto.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Mark-Vanderloo-Gentleman-Mexico-Beach-Shoot-2015-002.jpg) which I've spent way too much time staring at—I may have a problem—and [Jocu](http://shepard-alenko.tumblr.com) who said it needed a drabble.

There are moments, like this, when your world still stops around him, when he's cast into the perfect light from Sol and backlit by a brilliant ocean that could do no justice to the color of his eyes—deep blue and older than the rocks he's perched upon—that your breath still catches in your throat, that reaffirm he's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, that you fall in love with him all over again.

Sixteen years together and you still get lost in his beauty, in faded scars edged out by marks of a life well lived, of the life you've built; in the ever-deepening ridges carved into his brow that match the divots the war carved into his soul; in the slivers of silver in his hair that sparkle in the sunlight; in the lethal hands that have long since traded weapons training for potty training.

Laugh lines at the corner of his eyes are now a permanent fixture, a testament to how you both got through the worst of it, recovery and reconstruction, fights and building a family, with more laughs and a lot less dignity than either of you would've liked. But you made it, like you will always make it: one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, and always, _always_ together.

"Looking old, Shepard," you tease, just to watch that smile spread across his windblown lips. It starts so slow you're afraid he didn't hear you, shy and hesitant even though it's just the two of you. But then it builds like an avalanche picking up steam until it crashes right into you full force, taking your breath away as it carries you with it.

You lean in and he leans in, but not all the way. He has to look at you first, into the only eyes that have ever truly seen him, that he's ever let behind the thick, armored walls of his being. And you wait for him, like you always have, to close the distance, to choose you like you'll always choose him.

Then he kisses you and you kiss him right back, like the first time, like your drowning, like it may just be your last. But you know it won't be as he takes your hand in his to pull you up so you can continue your walk down the beach, through life, hand in hand, just two sets of footprints left in the sand.


	4. Stangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan wakes up in a stranger's bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up with this plot bunny literally jumping all over me this morning. Enjoy!

Kaidan woke up to a throbbing pain behind his eyes. It wasn't the usual migraine that he had grown accustomed to suffering over the years. No, this one was alcohol induced all the way; they were much more rare but he could tell the subtle differences. 

At least he was in a cozy bed, but that led to the question of why he wasn't on the rock they passed off as a mattress at the hotel he currently resided in. And that led him to question just how much he drank the night before. 

He felt something hard twitch under his chest and snapped his head to the other side. That was the wrong thing to do because the motion sent his head spinning for a long moment as the world went off kilter. Damn! What did he drink, ryncol?

When the terrible tilt-a-whirl stopped, he noticed a strange man softly snoring away beside him, said man's left arm trapped below him. It wasn't the first time he woke up next to a stranger, but he'd have to admit never next to one as hot as him. 

That's when the soreness of whatever had transpired the previous night hit him, the kind of dull ache that only happened after a night of passionate sex that he was rather sad he couldn't remember. Maybe he could get this guy's info and remedy the lack of memory some other time.

He turned his head back to the other side of the bed to search for his clothes when a shiny band of metal on the man's ring finger caught in the light pouring in from the huge ass windows. 

"You're married?!" Kaidan bellowed, whipping his head back around. And he should really stop doing that because his stomach lurched and he almost upchucked whatever the hell was in there, if anything at all.

The man's bleary eyes shot open and they were so blue and intense that the shock of them was like getting doused by a bucket of ice water. Kaidan almost forgot what he was upset about. Then the guy smiled at him and that churning in his stomach intensified but for reasons he refused to acknowledge.

The hot, sexy stranger rolled towards him and wrapped his other arm around him. "You remembered! Thought you might've forgotten there for awhile," he said, nuzzling into the crook of Kaidan's neck, and he couldn't help but tremble when the man's stubbled grated alongside his sensitive skin.

Okay, so his voice was sinful and sensual too, all warm and syrupy. _Goddammit! Why did he have to be married?_ Kaidan whined internally.

"Remember what exactly?" Kaidan huffed, trying to break free of the man's grasp, but he might've been part octopus because his limbs were everywhere. Then there were kisses on his neck and the telltale feeling of a cock awakening against his hip.

"Well, Mr. Shepard, we _are_ in the honeymoon suite," the man laughed, the deep rumble tickling Kaidan's ribs.

"My last name's Alenko," he corrected.

"You said you wanted to take my name," Shepard said, the pout clear in his voice. "But that might get complicated at work."

"We work together?" Kaidan yelled, slightly horrified by the revelation. He hadn't even started his new job yet, bodyguard to some high profile diplomat named Hannah Shepard. Oh god, he just married her son!

Shepard pulled back, a heavy frown on his face. "You don't remember anything, do you?"

"I certainly don't remember marrying my new boss's son! That does not sound like—"

He was interrupted by an incoming vidcall on his omni. _"Kaidan Alenko! I am disappointed in you, son. Letting your mother and I find out about your nuptials on the local news! When were you planning on telling us?"_ his father roared. _"And who is this Shepard character? It better not be that philandering bad boy those gossip rags your sister reads is always going on and on about."_

"Dad, it's not a good time," Kaidan groaned, still struggling to free himself from Shepard's octo-grip.

"We'll have to set something up soon, Mr. Alenko, sir," Shepard said, squeezing his head into frame. "I can't wait to meet the rest of our family."

 _"Well, uh, we'd like that...son...in-law. Kaidan, call your mother!"_ Mr. Alenko said before dropping the call. 

"Oh gods," Kaidan moaned, after noticing the twenty-eight missed calls and messages on his omni. He grabbed a pillow to bury his head under and growled into it. What the hell did he get himself into?

"That's what you kept screaming last night," Shepard, _his_ husband, chuckled low. "Well, bad news is, you weren't drunk when we got married...well, you weren't exactly sober, but an annulment is out of the question."

Kaidan whimpered. What the hell was he supposed to do now? "I want a divorce then."

"But you told Ash I was your soulmate," he whispered in Kaidan's ear, grinding his erection into his leg. 

"You met Ash?" Now, that he wished he could've remembered. His best friend was a beast when it came to his love life. He figured that's why he was still single: because she had a habit of running everyone off.

"She was your maid of honor. Y'know, I bet if we turn on the news, they'll give you a play-by-play of the evening. They are quite fascinated by me," Shepard boasted.

"Yeah, carefree, playboy, trust fund kid has a tough life," Kaidan spat, finally freeing himself from Shepard's grasp.

Shepard sighed as Kaidan rolled out of bed. "Hey! I'll have you know, every penny I spend I made myself. I don't depend on Mr. Money-Bags-Hackett like my mother does. And...okay, I've dated around, but look at me," he smirked. 

Kaidan glared at him. But damn, he was drop dead gorgeous, even though the whole precarious situation made Kaidan want to drop dead of embarrassment.

"I can assure you, more than half of what you've heard about me isn't true," Shepard said. "And we didn't sign a prenup, so wait three months to prove my mother wrong and you can have half my money if you want," he shrugged like it was no big deal. 

"I don't want your money!" Kaidan screeched. He wasn't a damn gold digger or a whore.

"Don't really care about money anyway. In the immortal words of the Beatles, 'Money can't buy me love'."

"It can't buy me either," he agreed.

"I know, that's why I married you instead," Shepard smirked with salacious eyes sweeping over Kaidan's still naked form. "And because that ass is just spectacular, K!"

"Don't call me 'K'!"

"You don't have to yell!" Shepard cringed. "We can fight about this later, beautiful. Just come back to bed and we'll order room service until this hangover subsides. Then we'll talk," he smiled saccharine sweet, holding open the sheets for Kaidan to climb back into. And wasn't that an inviting view?

Against his better judgment, Kaidan deflated and crawled back into bed. What was one day of living the dream in a swanky hotel room wrapped in the arms of a sexy man who seemed rather fond of him? He could always file for divorce tomorrow...or the next day. 

Or so he told himself every day for a year. After that, he stopped kidding himself. 

But at least he remembered renewing their vows. The same couldn't be said of their wedding.


	5. Norm & Mandy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Shepard mourn the loss of a fury, four-legged child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to "What's in a Name" and is a little bittersweet. I have to blame Cereith for this, as well as my own dog who inspired both fics, this one when I realized he is about 1/2 through his life cycle.

Normandy—or Norm as he was more and more frequently known—was getting old. At twelve, his muzzle had greyed and his coat was lighter and duller than it used to be. He had less energy than he did when he was a younger, and he spent most of his days sleeping.

He had always been a good dog, once they got him out of the puppy stage. Shepard had to replace several of his model ships before then and Kaidan lost a few shoes. But that was to be expected; he was just a puppy. 

When Shepard had to go off world for a few days for ‘Galactic Hero’ duties, Norm kept Kaidan from getting too lonely. And when Shepard woke up with nightmares, he and Kaidan would be there to calm him back down, two sets of brown puppy dog eyes soothing him with their loving concern. 

He was a faithful friend in every sense of the word, their first child—aside from Grunt—and a loyal sibling to the four that came after. Shepard had so many memories of he and Kaidan sitting on the back porch while their brood played fetch with him and taught him tricks. But that had died down when his hip started to go.

Normandy and Shepard shared a limp; Normandy and Kaidan shared the left side of the bed.

When he started losing his appetite, Shepard knew it was only a matter of time until they would be forced to say goodbye to him. And from the looks Kaidan would give him as he stood over a pot of rice and chicken he’d made especially for him, he knew it too.

Despite the fact that they were aware his time was coming, it was rough when he finally passed. Shepard woke up to a cold bed one morning, which wasn’t that unusual, but when he realized the house lacked the familiar aroma of coffee, feelings of dread overtook him.

He padded down the hall into the living room to find Kaidan slouched by the back door, his legs spread wide and an unmoving Normandy strewn in between them. His fingers were curled in his soft brown fur and Shepard could see a tear clinging to his chin.

Then he looked up at him, eyes on fire and full of mourning, and Shepard could do nothing else but join him, both at his side and in shedding his own tears for their lost companion. They waited for the children to wake so they could say their peace before burying him under the tree the three of them had sat under when they named him all those years ago. 

***

Two years later, after the sharp ache had blunted—and a stray puppy had followed them home—Kaidan pointed out the strange coincidence that there had also been a two-year gap in between the SR-1 and the SR-2. Of course this time they decided to go with the nickname Mandy, both to avoid confusion and because she refused to come when called Norm.


	6. Thanksgiving Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Kaidan does dishes, he ogles his husband as he plays with their children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a sequel to the Canadian Thanksgiving fic I did last year and also [Priority: Noisy Kids](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3492767) since I use the same 4 kids.
> 
> I had wanted to do something for Canadian Thanksgiving on Monday but the muse was not on my side until today. Enjoy!

It was Shepard’s turn to do the dishes, but there Kaidan was, up to his elbows in dirty dish water. He really didn’t mind even though he made sure to put up a little fuss just for show. Shepard loathed the chore and he always got an appreciative smile when he agreed to take a ‘shift’. And anyone who had been lucky enough to see how sexy that kind of look was on his husband couldn’t begrudge him that.

He especially didn’t mind when he saw the view from the kitchen window above the refurbished farm sink. Shepard had taken the three older tykes outside to run around for a bit. If he had to guess it was to wear them out a little. Just because they were vacationing at the orchard didn’t mean they had to be celibate John had informed him on the flight from the Citadel. He couldn’t say he disagreed, not with the way those jeans fit so snug around the man’s ass.

Lynn, Kaidan’s sister, came sidling up to him with baby Ash in her arms, the little one chewing on a teething ring. “Ogling your husband again, I see,” she teased, looking out the window just in time to see Shepard scoop up Mordy and toss the young Salarian into one of the piles of fallen leaves they had spent half the day raking.

“It’s kind of why I married him,” Kaidan smirked back, “Otherwise it would’ve gotten a little creepy.”

“I suppose if anyone’s allowed, it’s you.”

“What’s allowed?” asked the Alenko matriarch as she joined the trio gazing out the big window.

“Kaidan going goo goo eyed for his handsome husband.”

Carol took the dish Kaidan had been mindlessly scrubbing for several minutes and gave it a rinse. “He does have exquisite taste in men,” his mother added, the two women joining in a round of giggles, baby Ash following suite, as he rolled his eyes. She wasn’t wrong.

“Not you too, Ash,” he cooed to his daughter, a look of mock betrayal on his face seeming to add to her entertainment as she dropped the rubber ring to clap her hands.

The three adults’ eyes were drawn out the window when a loud ruckus erupted from the yard. Shepard had a Salarian wrapped around each leg and their Krogan daughter clinging to his back. He was attempting to sling them all into the leaves, but they ended up in an interspecies varenpile as the three kids jumped on their Papa.

Kaidan had a feeling the whole ‘wearing them out’ plan Shepard had come up with was going to backfire. He found out he was right later that evening when John had fallen asleep rocking Ash in the same wicker chair his mother used when he was a baby.

It was all right though. They’d had a busy week of Thanksgiving and festivities: good meals, picking pumpkins, enjoying Earth weather and time with family. But he’d be sure his old soldier made it up to him in the morning.


	7. The Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snippet of an interview with Shepard and Kaidan on the one year anniversary of the end of the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be short writing exercise that turned into MShenko. It probably could been a one-shot or part of a much longer fic, but I'm posting it here since it's just kind of random experimentation with stage directions and such.

**(Music plays and the camera zooms in on Shepard and Kaidan sitting on a small couch next to each other. Shepard has one leg crossed over the other, his right arm stretched out on the back of the couch behind Kaidan. They are both wearing matching dark grey suits, minus the jackets, with white shirts and complementary red and blue ties. The camera pans out.)**

**Interviewer:** Welcome back to the interview of the millennium. If you’re just tuning in, we’re here on the one year anniversary of the end of the Great War with everyone’s favorite galactic hero, Admiral John Shepard. Now joining us, as we dive a little deeper into Shepard’s personal life, is the Second Human Spectre, and Shepard’s fiancé I hear, Major Kaidan Alenko. Let’s start with the question all the eligible viewers out there want to know…is it true the two of you are engaged?

 **Shepard: (Gives Kaidan a nervous smile that is returned.)** Uh, yes, that’s correct.

 **Interviewer:** Congratulations! The first Human Spectres are engaged. Wow! Any details on the wedding you can dish out?

 **Shepard:** Sorry, but that’s on a need to know basis.

 **Kaidan:** Which wouldn't be us. Our mothers probably know more about it than we do. **(He chuckles.)**

 **Shepard:** He’s right about that.

 **Interviewer:** I suppose I’ll have to ask them then. Moving on…Major, what can you tell us about your first meeting with the Commander…oh, I’m sorry I mean Admiral.

 **Shepard: (He moves his arms down to his thigh and fidgets with his pant leg.)** It’s all right. I’m still not used to the title myself, to be honest.

 **Interviewer:** I wouldn’t think so after being known the galaxy over as _the_ Commander Shepard, but back to the question, Major.

 **Kaidan:** Uh…the first time I met Shepard?

 **Interviewer:** Yes, what was that like? Did you know who he was? Did he live up to the legend?

 **Shepard: (He rolls his eyes then runs a hand over his face.)** Oh gods....

 **Kaidan: (He chuckles.)** Uh, well I knew of him, you know, from the Blitz. What Alliance soldier didn’t? But that was just the basics really, plus the little things I heard from scuttlebutt. The _“legend”_ surrounding him was a lot smaller then. If I met him now, I probably would have choked on my own tongue or, hah, or something. But the first time—

 **Shepard: (He groans, head lulling back.)** This is embarrassing....

 **Kaidan: (Bumps Shepard’s shoulder.)** The first time it was the Commander who did the tripping. **(Gives Shepard a playful smile as they interlock hands.)** He had just come aboard for the first time, but I was down in engineering taking care of an emergency when he was introduced to the majority of the crew. I, uh, walked into the mess for some coffee. Of course, the first thing he does on any new ship is locate the coffee machine.

 **Shepard: (He smiles wide.)** It’s true.

 **Kaidan:** And I guess I startled him—

 **Shepard:** You did....

 **Kaidan:** ...and he spun too fast and tripped over his own feet. **(He laughs.)** His coffee went flying everywhere, his mug crashed and broke on the metal floor, his uniform was completely soaked. It was a mess. Total chaos.

 **Shepard: (With a whisper.)** I had to go to the medbay for the burns.

 **Kaidan:** But I shouldn’t have expected anything less from what I’d heard about him. Anyway, he was clearly embarrassed and just sat there on his ass, stunned. Can, can I say ass?

 **Interviewer:** Yes, ass is fine.

 **Kaidan:** Yeah, sitting on his ass staring up at me like I had three heads. And I really thought I would get a court martial for almost taking out the Hero of the Blitz or that he’d space me, but then he started laughing as I apologized profusely and helped him to his feet. Needless to say, he didn’t need any introduction, and from that point forward…I was in charge of getting his coffee.

 **Shepard: (He nods.)** Mhm.

 **Kaidan:** It became a running joke after that, about how the Commander couldn’t make his own coffee without calling in his head of Marine detail for assistance. But I suspected he had other motives for that. **(Smiles slyly at Shepard.)**

 **Shepard:** I don’t know what you mean. **(He winks back at Kaidan.)**

 **Interviewer:** That’s quite the story. Was it love at first sight for you two?

 **(Simultaneously.)**  
Kaidan: No.  
Shepard: Yes.

 **Shepard: (He chuckles.)** Yes. For me it was. I knew immediately that he was “the one.” I mean, it wasn’t quite love yet because we didn’t really know each other at that point. Obviously. But there was definitely a pull there for me. I knew I wanted to know him and that wasn’t something I was prepared for. I was trained for one thing, to be a soldier, since birth really, and I hadn’t done much dating. I was just too busy for relationships and wasn’t exactly good at the whole song and dance of courtship. I had to figure it out as I went along...which meant a lot of making a fool out of myself, but I, uh, I eventually wore him down. **(Looks at Kaidan fondly.)** Thankfully.

 **Kaidan:** He was pretty persistent. If you know him, that shouldn’t surprise you.

**(Everyone chuckles.)**

**Shepard:** This is also true.

 **Interviewer:** You took more convincing, Major?

 **Kaidan:** Well yeah. I mean he was my CO at the time. And I was just as focused on my career as he was.

 **Shepard:** More so, I think.

 **Kaidan:** Maybe...but yeah, I was pretty hesitant. There were regs against that sort of thing and consequences, and I’m a pretty by-the-book kind of guy.

 **Shepard: (He nods solemnly.)** He is, but it got harder and harder to skate that line after a while.

 **Interviewer:** When did you first “break regs?”

 **Shepard:** We didn’t. Not technically...we came close a few times, but I respected him too much to let that happen. His integrity is one of the things I love about him and I couldn’t let him compromise that, who he was, for me. So we waited.

 **Kaidan:** Believe me, we wanted to, but we are both Alliance soldiers to the core. The mission...that had to come first. Always, or we wouldn't be sitting here today.

 **Interviewer:** Thank the Spirits for that...What about the rumors that the two of you were seen getting pretty cozy together after Saren was defeated?

 **Shepard:** When you’re assigned to a frigate like the Normandy, you become close to the people you serve with. That’s inevitable. I’m very close to all my crew and there have been rumors about me getting cozy with just about every member of my team. But that’s the thing about rumors; they spread like a disease and can be just as harmful.

 **Kaidan:** For the record, we remained friends until well after I became a Spectre—

 **Shepard:** And then I invoked Spectre authority and swept him off his feet.

 **Kaidan:** It was actually me who made the first move. **(He smirks at Shepard.)**

 **Shepard:** After I set the trap of course. **(He smirks back at Kaidan.)**

 **Kaidan:** Of course.

 **Interviewer:** When the Commander was presumed KIA by the Collectors, how did you handle that, Major? **(Camera zooms in on Kaidan.)**

 **Kaidan: (Takes a deep breath, and a long stretch of silence ensues.)** Not well. I...lost a friend and brother in arms...I blamed myself for a long time, drank...lashed out at the people I cared about, the people who were trying to help me...I _grieved._ **(He takes another moment to compose himself.)** I don’t know how I got through it, but I know I wouldn’t have without my crewmates, my friends. It was...it was a pretty dark time for me, for us all. **(He sniffles, holding back a few tears.)** Sorry.

 **Interviewer:** That’s quite all right...We’ll give you a moment. **(Camera pans to interviewer.)** When we return, we’ll continue with their rocky reunion on Horizon. But first, here is a clip of the three of us surveying what remains of the damage in downtown London...We’ll be right back.

**(Music plays and camera pans out to Shepard with his arm back around Kaidan, hugging him close.)**


	8. Hot Bunking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan lose a bet and are forced to spend the night in a sleeper pod. Set in ME3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was scared there for a minute that I forgot how to write fluff thanks to all the angsty fics I've been posting lately. But I needed a little happy times! I blame this on [Cereith](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cereith/pseuds/Cereith) who just had to plant this bunny in my head. Enjoy!

It started as a joke, a bet they’d lost to Tali and James. Honestly, he didn’t know how they’d both fit, but they squeezed in anyway. Living on a frigate didn’t allow much room for claustrophobia, and being in the military didn’t allow much room for personal space. But rules were rules, so _with great reluctance_ , they climbed in the sleeper pod together.

Shepard was surprised how comfortable it was, even with the two of them. He was used to the bed in his cabin. It was as hard as dirt, but at least he could stretch out. Every time he moved in the pod, he ended up bumping Kaidan, and only some of that was intentional. But it sure gave new meaning to the term “hot bunking.”

“So this should be interesting, huh, Major?”

Kaidan let out a raspy, yet nerve-riddled laugh, “Yeah Shepard, maybe next time you’ll pick up on Tali’s tell.”

“Hey, in my defense, I’m better at reading faces,” he huffed. Or maybe he’d thrown the game on purpose after hearing the terms, because who would want to win if losing meant a night pressed up against the hottest biotic he’d ever seen?

“I really thought we had ‘em.”

Shepard steeled his face and replied with as much stoicism as he could, “That’s just the way the cards were dealt.”

He wiggled and heard the hitch in Kaidan’s breath when his thigh slipped between the Major’s legs. It was possible his breathing did the same, but he was pretty sure his stopped all together. He did not see Kaidan lick his lips right after. He did not! And if he had, he most certainly did not attempt to disguise the whimper it caused to lodge in the back of his throat with a fake cough.

“Shepard?” Kaidan’s hot breath wafted over his cheek.

He swallowed, hoping to gods Kaidan couldn’t feel how much he was enjoying being so close to him through their thick BDU’s. They’d been dancing around it for a while, feelings and attraction, but war had a way of relegating certain things to the back burner when dodging bullets and Reaper beams were ultimately more important.

“Yeah?”

“You let them win, didn’t you?”

“What? No, of course not. Commander Shepard doesn’t like to lose!” And his voice getting higher with every syllable was just a reaction to the, oh fuck it; it was all a lie.

“John?”

He sighed, looking deep into those whiskey eyes, “Yeah?”

“Are you ever going to kiss me?”

“Kaidan,” he breathed, his voice softening to a whisper, “if I start, I’ll never stop.”

He didn’t care that they could’ve been seen through the glass, although making out like teens had fogged it up pretty quick, deft fingers tunneling under shirts and exploring scars and skin. But when they woke up in the morning, two peas nuzzled in their pod, he knew he never wanted to wake up next to anyone else again.


	9. Jelly Belly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard has grown a little belly after the war and Kaidan teases him about it in retribution for the teasing he gets for his graying hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for a post Jocu19 made on tumblr.

Shepard loved mornings like these: lazy Sundays in bed, the children sleeping over at the in-law’s, body still sore from a night of passionate lovemaking, and Kaidan’s face nuzzled into the curve of his neck. So damn perfect.

But he was getting hungry, his stomach gurgling and begging him for some of Kaidan’s famous french toast. Kaidan kept him well fed, which he loved since his husband’s cooking was second to none, but after the war, and thanks to a few dozen metal parts in various appendages, his activity and mobility had been limited leading to a nice little potbelly. He didn’t really care though, as long as Kaidan didn’t.

He ran a hand through his husband’s hair, the pepper locks starting to lose the battle against a steadily increasing salt invasion. Kaidan groaned against his skin as he began to stir, both stretching stiff muscles and joints.

“Morning,” Kaidan muttered, the greeting a garbled mess through a yawn.

“You need a haircut, babe. These grays are getting a little unruly,” Shepard teased, twisting the tips between his fingers.

“Really John? After that nice dinner I made you, you’re gonna start in on my hair again?”

Shepard grinned wide. He had always loved Kaidan’s hair and didn’t care in the slightest what color it was, but sometimes the man was just too easy.

Kaidan propped himself up on his elbow, “Yeah laugh it up, but you better remember who cooks your meals.”

“What are you trying to say, K?”

“That maybe you and your tumtum should pick your battles wisely if you want breakfast that doesn’t come out of a box.”

Shepard quirked a brow, his smile dropping into a calculated smirk, “Are you threatening me with cereal?”

“I don’t know, Commander Chubchub, you tell me.”

“I told you not to call me that!” Shepard said, his face creasing with a mock frown.

Kaidan’s eyes narrowed as a mischievous smile overtook him, “Let me rub the Buddha belly.”

Shepard grabbed his hand before it could slide all the way down his bare chest. “Kaidan Alenko, stop or I’ll make you regret it!”

“Who’s gonna stop me? You and your jelly belly?”

“That’s it!”

Shepard had hoped to have their positions switched quickly, but he overestimated his fatigue after their late night. That combined with his pooch led to a highly ungraceful wrestling match as they wallowed around between tangled sheets, but in the end, Shepard was able to pin Kaidan under him and his jiggly gut.

“How do you like us now, Major Saltilocks?”

Kaidan descended into giggles at that, Shepard joining along until he ran out of steam and fell limp on top of him. He let out a satisfied hum once he caught his breath and pushed himself up so he could look into Kaidan’s eyes, the same shade of whiskey brown still getting him drunk after all these years.

He leaned down and kissed him, slow and languid. They had time to take and he was determined to enjoy it. But his tummy had other plans as it grumbled, effectively ruining the mood. Shepard pulled back just a little, “I love you and your grays, now go make me and my tumtum some french toast.”

Kaidan let out a content sigh, arms still wrapped tight around Shepard’s neck, “Only because I love you…jelly belly and all.”


	10. Always Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Kaidan take a winter stroll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [Mistletoe Kiss](http://sunnyk30.deviantart.com/art/Mistletoe-Kiss-342774677) by SunnyK30 on deviantart.

Kaidan was the romantic one, that’s what everyone thought. That’s what Kaidan had thought for a while. He’d leave Shepard little notes around the house: “I love you,” “Lookin’ good, handsome,” “You’re so good to me,” things like that. He’d remember the anniversaries and make the reservations, cook them romantic dinners on a whim.

But he knew, deep down, that Shepard had him beat. Because this, right here, the two of them standing in a snow-covered forest, trees dusted with white as flakes dusted their hair, this was worth more than a thousand romantic dinners, all the candles in the world, and any expensive, exotic flower anyone could find combined.

Yeah, John had him beat.

*

Shepard had said he wanted to take a quick walk after dinner. Not an unusual occurrence, but he’d rushed them both out of the house so fast that Kaidan barely had enough time to register that it was Shepard’s leather jacket that was being thrust at him as the door closed behind them. He put it on and zipped it up, delighting in the spicy scent of his lover enveloping him.

They walked for a while, holding hands and relishing the quiet of the forest, the sounds dampened by Mother Nature’s blanket. But when snow started flittering down, John stopped them with a gentle tug of his hand. Kaidan turned to regard him only to find him beaming, a brilliant smile on kissable lips, and holding a piece of mistletoe above his head.

“Look what I found, Major,” he teased with a wink.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “Really? You found that in your pocket?” he asked, raising a skeptical brow before letting his smile break.

John pulled him close till their bodies were flush, cobalt eyes boring into his as their smiles faded into something more fond and intimate, deep seeded, and Kaidan knew, all the way down to his marrow, that this moment was monumental. 

Shepard ducked his head, looking up at him through dark lashes littered with ice crystals, “You should see what’s in yours.”

With brows pinching together, Kaidan moved his hands from Shepard’s back into the pockets of the leather jacket, his heart flipping when his right curled around a small box.

“I was going to wait until Christmas, but—”

“Yes!”

He didn’t give Shepard a chance to make a witty retort before he threw both arms around him and surged into a kiss that was sure to put the collision of galaxies to shame. His toes were cold and wet, the snow having soaked through his boots, but the warmth and love that exploded in his chest made everything else irrelevant. And he’d risk frostbite a hundred times over for the nip he received on his bottom lip before John pulled away.

Shepard smirked at him, eyes twinkling and crinkling at the edges, “You didn’t let me finish the question.”

“No need, the answer’s always been yes.”


	11. (Not) Kaidan's Finest Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drabble for Kaidan appreciation week...that I mostly missed. I only did this day, humor. Enjoy!

It wasn’t Kaidan’s finest moment, he’d admit, but how was he supposed to know it was an insult to offer a Hanar a sweater? As great as the cultural sensitivity courses were that the Alliance taught in Basic, nothing could’ve prepared him for that.

He was accompanying Ashley on a shopping excursion to the Wards when it happened. She said something about it being Ash Wednesday—an old religious Earth holiday if he remembered correctly—and he hadn’t been able to tell her no. That and she promised to buy him a beer and a steak sandwich. He was well aware he was easily bought, but it also gave him a chance to pick up some sweaters. After Noveria, he didn’t want to get caught unprepared again.

They were minding their own business, walking around the Wards, when Ashley mentioned in passing that it was a bit nippy. He assumed one of the heating regulators went out; that happened from time to time. Just then, they overheard a Hanar complaining to a C-Sec officer about the temperature. Kaidan had been with Shepard when the team encountered the proselytizing Hanar on the Presidium, so being a Good Samaritan, he felt compelled to stop and offer his services.

It’s what Shepard would’ve done.

After assessing the situation, Kaidan pulled out a lovely blue cashmere sweater—space cashmere, the Volus had said—from his shopping bag and held it out to the Hanar…and the next thing he knew, tentacles were flying all over the place, pink lightning striking his body, as a monotone voice said, “This one curses your descendants.” 

They were so quick and so plentiful that he didn’t have time to activate his biotics. But that was mostly because he was in shock at the sudden onslaught of Hanar rage.

He tried his best to protect his face, but the tentacles were slapping him like whips and leaving behind a cold viscous gel. The secreted neurotoxins had his skin tingling, and his bottom lip was already numb. In an attempt to get away, he stepped back, but he tripped then stumbled before falling right into a fountain. 

Unfortunately, the Hanar followed him in, which is how he ended up flopping around in two feet of water while a giant jellyfish tried to glue itself to his face—or drown him, he wasn’t sure which—and a crowd of onlookers gathered nearby. It took three C-Sec officers to pull the Hanar off him, and all Ashley did was stand there and laugh. 

NOT his finest moment.

When it was all said and done, he was just glad Shepard wasn’t there to see him make a complete fool out of himself. His commanding officer didn’t need a first hand account of his incompetence. It was bad enough that it’d be all over scuttlebutt as soon as Joker heard about it.

Except Shepard was there.

Kaidan looked up to see whose hand had been thrust in front of his face, and low and behold, there was Shepard, looming over him, head cocked to one side and narrowed eyes. There was a brief moment in which he contemplated falling back into the fountain to let the waters swallow him up, but he took Shepard’s hand and crawled out.

“Thankths, Thshepard…gueth you thaw that, huh?”

“Afraid so, Lieutenant.”

Yep, he wanted to die.

“He was just trying to help, skipper,” Ashley defended.

“I’m sure it was an honest mistake. Come on, let’s get you back to the Normandy, Kaidan,” Shepard said with a chuckle. “Dr. Chakwas might have something for the numbness. But next time you decide to take a swim on the Citadel, do it in one of the designated areas.”

He shrugged and they started back to the ship, Kaidan leaving behind his dignity, a trail of dirty fountain water, and a very irate Hanar.


	12. Northern Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I asked for some prompts on tumblr yesterday and the fairest tomato of them all,[Fairtomato](http://fairtomato.tumblr.com), was kind enough to send me one for the northern lights.

Shepard couldn’t sleep. The nightmares of the war and all that was lost still haunted him months after the last Reaper fell. He tried his best not to wake Kaidan as he tossed and turned. His fiancé had just started back to work after his medical leave was up, and he knew he needed the rest. But it was hard to suffer in silence, to function on an hour or two of sleep at a time.

Kaidan was so good at helping him through his recovery. They were both doing well, despite the vivid dreams of death and destruction, but he hated feeling like such a burden, being fed and bathed and pushed around in a damn wheelchair like an invalid had been tough on his ego. They had gotten through it, and Kaidan didn’t deserve to be bogged down by yet another one of his problems.

He carefully rolled out of bed and threw on his hoodie. It was early spring and he knew it would be a bit nippy outside, but he decided to go outside and call Liara or maybe Miranda to take his mind off of the horrible dream he’d just had. The ones about losing Kaidan were the worst, and they were both good at talking him down.

The house they were renting was an hour from the city. He loved it because the stars shown so bright without the light pollution, but the other benefit was the light show they had front row seats to on an almost nightly basis. He laid down on one of the deck chairs and breathed in the cold crisp air. It stung at first but was nothing he couldn’t handle.

He got lost in the dancing greens and pinks of the Auroras as they moved across the night sky. It was beautiful, and he thought back to the first time he’d seen them. It had been with Kaidan when they visited the Alenko family orchard when they were serving on the SR-1, long before they’d become each other’s save place to land. Or maybe Kaidan had always been his. Regardless, the memories were enough to make him forget all about calling Liara.

But he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Kaidan was snuggled up to him, soft snores escaping his luscious lips. He wanted to kiss him awake, but he resisted. Instead, he watched him sleep for a while. He looked so at peace. Shepard had spent a lot of nights on the SR-1 watching him sleep. It was one of the little things that kept him sane through it all.

A few minutes later, Kaidan’s alarm blared from his omni-tool. He stretched as he roused, bleary brown eyes blinking up at him. “You fell asleep watching the Northern Lights again, didn’t you?” Kaidan asked. It was followed by a yawn.

“They’re so beautiful.”

Kaidan smiled up at him, “So are you.”

Shepard didn’t resist kissing him then, morning breath and all.

“John Shepard, how many times do I have to tell you to wake me? I hate waking up to an empty bed.”

Shepard chuckled at the way his eyebrows pulled down when he pouted. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been…”

“…having trouble sleeping. I know.”

“How?”

“You’re a terrible liar, John, and you can’t hide things from me. I know you too well.”

Shepard sighed and looked towards the pinking sky. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to bother you with my problems.”

“Your problems are my problems. That’s how relationships work, babe. Besides, I’m smarter than you. I might be able to help,” Kaidan smirked. Shepard couldn’t really argue with that. “Maybe we can put in a skylight or something. The Auroras seem to calm you.”

Shepard sat up. “We can talk about it later. You have to get ready for work.”

“It’s Saturday…”

“Well in that case,” Shepard said, a sly grin turning salacious, “we haven’t broken in the deck yet.”

Kaidan pulled the blanket he’d brought out over them and they made love as the sun rose in the Canadian sky. Later that day, they looked into installing a skylight. And the next time Shepard woke up in the middle of the night, Kaidan snuggled with him on the deck until they both fell back to sleep as the Northern Lights twirled high above them.


	13. A Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another prompt! From the lovely [Threewhiskeylunch!](http://threewhiskeylunch.tumblr.com) The prompt was the first sentence, "I need to find a hole to put this in." Teehee.

“I need to find a hole to put this in.”

“Excuse me?” Kaidan shrieked, spinning around in horror to stare down the source of the highly inappropriate pickup line. He hadn’t been to a bar in years, and the one time he let a friend drag him out, he ended up getting hit on by the sleaziest people in the galaxy.

Except the man hadn’t been talking to him, he’d been talking to the bartender, both of whom were staring right back at him with the same quizzical expression. Then Kaidan’s eyes traveled over to the Batarian head in a glass case sitting on the bar.

“What the fuck is that?” was Kaidan’s second question, in an equally high-pitched screech.

“This is the asshole who killed my mother right before my eyes. I killed the fucker on Elysium. Now I’m looking for a black hole to launch the prick into,” the man explained. “Do you know of any close by?”

Kaidan blinked a few times as he stared back at the man. His blues eyes almost sparkled and he had a fresh wound above his left eye. He knew him immediately, the hero of the Skyllian Blitz, Lieutenant John Shepard. Good god, he was in the presence of a living legend, one of the Alliance’s greatest war heroes, and he’d butted right into his conversation.

“Sorry, I thought you were talking to me,” he apologized, and then turned around.

A few second’s later, Shepard was whispering in his ear, “Did you think I was propositioning you for sex?”

Kaidan did his best to ward off the shiver that ran down his spine. “Of course not,” he bit back over his shoulder.

“Are you sure, because I just checked out your ass and I wouldn’t mind finding something to stick in th—”

Kaidan spun back around to find a smug looking Shepard grinning at him. “I’m sure!” He downed the rest of his drink and slammed the glass on the table. “I’m leaving now.”

“With me?”

“You wish.” Kaidan sauntered off and out of the bar. 

It was the single biggest regret he’d ever had, not taking Shepard up on his offer, but he assumed the man had enough people wanting to jump in his bed, and Kaidan really wasn’t that kind of guy.

That was several years ago, now they were a happy couple just trying to get through the damn war in once piece. He didn’t even think Shepard remembered him. Not until tonight when they were unwinding in Shepard’s cabin, which was code for banging. He was on all fours, nice and stretched and waiting for Shepard to take him.

Shepard bent over him, hand falling down his back between them, “Hmm, I really need to find a hole to put this in.”

“Dammit, John! You knew the whole time?”

Five minutes later, after Shepard managed to stop laughing, he replied, “You never forget an ass like yours, Major.”

Kaidan scoffed and pinned him with his biotics, and then rode his cock until they both saw stars. He wasn’t even surprised when he brought the husk head onboard.


	14. Blame It On The Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one was from [Mareel](http://mareel.tumblr.com) with the prompt of snow and whiskey. It's a bit angsty, but it's necessary angst.

It wasn’t very often that Shepard encountered snow. He’d done N training on a few frozen planets, and there had been the mission on Noveria, but he grew up on Alliance ships. The only thing that glittered up there were the stars they flew between.

He looked out the window of his room. It was nice room, a little bigger than his cabin on the Normandy, with a view of Vancouver. There were no bars, but he was still in “the brig,” under house arrest, imprisoned in the Alliance headquarters, and he had no idea if or when he’d ever get out. The solitude gave him time to think, to reminisce, and when the snow started falling, it took him back to Noveria, to the way the white flakes had peppered Kaidan’s hair, the color so black it was almost blue, or maybe that was just his biotics.

Shepard took a swig from the whiskey bottle James had snuck in for him. Thankfully, he wasn’t as strict as Baker was. He probably shouldn’t have been drinking, but what the hell else was he supposed to do? Anderson dropped by twice and James would come in and play poker with him from time to time, which was nice, but other than that, all he had were his memories to keep him company.

And the whiskey always made him think of Kaidan.

Kaidan had been so mad on Horizon. Shepard understood why, of course he did, but it still stung the way Kaidan had shut him down and walked away. He was the last thing Shepard thought about before they went through the Omega relay, and the first thing he’d thought about after they took down the Collector base. It seemed that Kaidan was all he thought about anymore.

The worst part was he knew it was a lost cause to pine after him now. Shepard was a war criminal being charged with mass genocide, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d never had the chance to tell Kaidan how he felt about him and that troubled him, the albatross around his neck weighing him down. Now, he’d never get the chance to. But maybe that was a good thing because he’d never have to go through the embarrassment of getting shot down by someone who was obviously done with him.

He watched the snow blanket the city for a few moments, the streets turning white and people leaving trails as they scurried around, all the while wishing it would blanket the distressed heart rattling around in his chest. But he must’ve used up all his luck. Of course he had, he’d been brought back from the dead. Maybe it would’ve been better to stay dead.

He took another pull from the bottle, the smooth alcohol sliding down his throat with ease. James had spared no expense. He’d have to thank him later, maybe invite him in for a drink, but now belonged to him, to the snow, and to the haunting memory of the one who got away.


	15. Space Pirates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from [Nightmarestudio606](http://nightmarestudio606.tumblr.com) on tumblr, aka potionsmaster, for space pirates!!

“Raise the mainsail!” Shepard ordered.

“Uh…we don’t have one, Captain. It’s a spaceship,” Kaidan said, trying not to laugh at his lovable idiot. Shepard liked to get into character when they were approaching a target.

“And a junk one at that,” Joker snickered.

“I didn’t see any of you pitching in to help,” Shepard sneered. 

To everyone else, Shepard was the feared space pirate only referred to as Spectre, but to his crew, he was a teddy bear. So Kaidan wasn’t surprised that none of them even so much as flinched at his murder face anymore.

In fact, Joker just shrugged at him. “Because we’ve been out of a job for two years.”

“You’re the pyjak who crashed my ship!”

“And you made us think you were dead for two years while you went into ‘retirement’ and gallivanted all across the galaxy with your lover boy over there.”

Kaidan wanted to protested, but it was true. They’d spent the last two years visiting all the places they’d put off while they were pillaging ships and collecting credits and other valuables.

Thanks to Liara’s connections, they only stole from rich merchants and companies—the ones that could afford to lose a few crates of Serrice Ice Brandy or submachine guns. Those companies’ price gauged everyday citizens and squeezed trillions from their pockets, so they all felt justified in what they did. But Tali insisted that a portion of their booty be donated to good causes.

“While you two are arguing, the Cerberus vessel is moving into position,” Garrus interrupted.

“Awaiting orders, Captain,” EDI said. “In 89 seconds, they will be out this ship’s range.”

“See, _junk_ ,” Joker said.

“Fire up the engines!” Shepard ordered.

“They are already on,” EDI replied.

Shepard threw up his hands in defeat. “Spirits, you’re the least merry bunch of pirates I’ve ever seen.”

“Firing up the engines,” Joker said in a bored tone.

“I bet Kai Leng has a crew merrier than this,” Shepard grumbled to himself, crossing his arms over his chest. “Launch the drones.”

“Drones launched,” EDI parroted. They waited in silence for the drones to disable the ship in order for them to board.

“Alright, time to go to work,” Shepard said when EDI gave the all clear. Garrus and Kaidan followed him out of the cockpit and over to the elevator.

“Do you think you two can keep your flirting under control this time?” Garrus asked.

Shepard draped his arm over Kaidan’s shoulder and pulled him in so he could kiss his jawline. “My ship, my rules, Vakarian.”

Jack joined them by the elevator and made gagging noises as they all crammed inside. “You guys are the gayest pirates I’ve ever seen.” Her expression showed disgust, but Kaidan knew she meant it in an affectionate way.

“I can’t flirt with my salty wench—”

“Hey!” Kaidan interjected.

“—and I can’t make jokes about mainsails,” Shepard complained. “What’s the point in being a space pirate if I can’t have any fun with it?”

Kaidan elbowed him and flashed him a wink. “For what it’s worth, _Captain,_ you never fail to raise my mainsail.” Shepard chuckled as the others groaned.

When they reached the hangar bay, Shepard held him back while everyone else exited. “Change of plans. Garrus, you’re in charge. Make sure to get a few hostages, will ya? And no Krogan this time. Grunt doesn’t play well with others.”

Kaidan wrapped his arms around Shepard’s neck and whispered, “We’re terrible pirates,” as the doors closed.

“Does that mean you don’t want to wear the costumes this time?”

“I didn’t say that…but you’re dressing up like the salty wench.”

Shepard sighed but couldn’t disguise his grin. “Fair enough.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bother me on [tumblr.](http://jucielucie.tumblr.com)


End file.
